Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
