every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize