That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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