a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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