i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
