I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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