It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
