dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
