your room smells of hookers.
And success
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
