I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
