Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
