Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
