walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
