i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
