He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
