3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
