I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
