I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
