yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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