Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
