And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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