I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
honey bunches of taint.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
