i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
