I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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