just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
