Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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