You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
