Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
