so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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