I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
well you can't waste a boner
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
