i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
