I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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