Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
