Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
