He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I would fuck him just for his dog
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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