remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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