the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
