Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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