just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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