Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
