We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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