I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He better not be in your backpack
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
