Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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