I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
