Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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