You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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