We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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