im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize