he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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