2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
