Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
