i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
