You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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