you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
