I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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