I must be too annoying 4 u.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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