if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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