I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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