i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
