dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
