im six kinds of drunk right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
