The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
