We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
