I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
