The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
