For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
