Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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