Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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