My first STD was from a foam party
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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