I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
