He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
