i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
