There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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