STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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