The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
