She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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